thirty.

by iren monkey

it’s Tax Day and 6 days after my 30th birthday. despite my yearly frustrations and anxiety with Uncle Sam, it didn’t stand in the way of my appreciation this birth month — this time more than ever.  no words could possibly be enough to describe how awesome last week was for me, but given that i pretty much shut everyone out for a good 3 days, i owe it to y’all to bring everyone up to speed.

who am i kidding?  i owe it to myself!

ergo, can i just say how awesome 30 is??

yeah y’all, i was stressing for absolutely nothing.

lol i know i know…typical me.  😉

if you’ve been a reader of my blog for a while, you know that i’ve been spending my birthday pretty much alone for the last 5 years.  there’s been a few exceptions whereas a single person will keep me company for a quick lunch or quiet dinner during my self-inflicted time of recluse, but it’s usually a person who won’t really bother me or knock me out of my stance.

it’s the one time of the year that i prefer silence.

i use my birthday as a time to reflect and think about what i need and want for my life.  you would think that reflecting and thinking about myself is something that i need to do on a regular basis, but it just comes so natural for me to think of others all the time that i always put myself last on the list.  i suppose that’s why i blog…to force myself to search within myself?

little by little each time….

i don’t feel guilty being selfish on my birthday…
…everyone gives me a pass.  and because it’s my special day, no one can really force me to do anything else.  i’ve spent the last half-decade pretty much wallowing in self-pity in my lonesomeness, but i was adamant for my thirtieth anniversary of my birth to be the game-changer.

i’m at a different place in my life than a year ago…

last year was pretty rough around this time…i had no idea it was gonna get rougher towards the end of the year, but i’m pretty damn proud that i even got through it…hell, that i even got through the last decade!  no bullshit, most would have expected me to be dead by now, haha.  so to celebrate my freedom from the shackles of “the crazy twenties”, i chose to do absolutely anything i wanted this year for an entire week with a smile on my face.  yes, still alone for 3 out of the 7 days, but this time…

no sad tears!
just happy ones.

i celebrated my birthday from Sunday, April 6th, to Saturday, April 12th — but for the sake of this blogpost turning out to be the length of a 10-page essay, i’ll discuss the week up in 4 parts and broken into 2 blogposts:  the Quest & the Roadtrip in my next post, the Service & the Turnup in the one after that.

that being said, i wanted to call my celebration something else besides my Dirty Thirty, so i’ve decided to affectionately call it —

my QRST Party.

corny, i know, but do i need to remind y’all that i’m grown?  i do what i want so y’all are just gonna have to agree with me, haha.  i think it has a nice little ring to it.

reminds me of EKG strips………….lol nerd.

i think i’ve mentioned it before that i’ve never really felt like i was doing the right thing for myself until just a few months ago.  if i at all ever doubted again, last week was such a reminder that i’m on the right track.

my friend Anthony asked me last Saturday on GD1030 what lesson i took from being thirty and celebrating it the way that i decided to.  unfortunately, i don’t think i conveyed the lesson very clearly on the interwaves.  i don’t know if it was because i was put on the spot or if i was still reeling from the adrenaline, but i really want to take this time to share that lesson with all of you with clarity, just in case y’all would like to take from it too…

“Self-doubt is influenced by others’ doubts and expectations of my limitations.  Faith and consistent inner strength will be my armor against self-doubt, but humility will keep me in the proper frame of mind.”

— irenmonkey

how’s that for thirty-year old me?  well stay tuned for my 2-part QRST Party blogposts for more lessons and inspirations…i’ll have it up by the end of the week.  until then, i’d like to say thank you, my friends, for your continuous support and following my life for however long.  i hope for many more years of personal growth that i  can share with you all in my words and thoughts of the days.

lots of love,
iren

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